For instance, if you’re interviewing for a job, don’t simply hope that you’ll get it. Go in with a confident mindset and call to follow up after the interview. Taking charge not only shows the interviewer that you’re eager and interested; it also means you’re taking control of your life.
What do I want to accomplish? What’s my next best move? Is there anything I can do about this right now? What can I learn from this? What does a good outcome look like?
Sometimes, you won’t be able to change things. In these situations, ask yourself how you can work with what you’ve got.
For example, if you’re unemployed, you don’t have control over the job market or the help wanted ads, but you can choose which jobs to apply for and you can polish your resume so you are a great candidate. Dealing with a personal issue? You may not be able to change a loved one’s poor medical diagnosis, but you can choose to give them extra support and love.
For example, if someone cancels on you at the last minute, instead of immediately getting irritated or angry, pause for a moment. Consider your initial emotion, but then think about how you’d like to feel. You might get calm by reminding yourself that it’s out of your control or that you’ll just have to be flexible with your plans. Ever noticed how if you’re having a bad day, nothing seems to go right? Work on recognizing your frustration so you don’t bring that anger to other interactions during the day. Remember to be compassionate with yourself. [8] X Expert Source Carolyn Rubenstein, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
You might read positive self-help books or spend a few minutes every day thinking about things that went well.
“Always/never:” Thinking in absolutes can lead to inflexible thinking. “Everyone/no one:” Grouping other people together doesn’t reflect reality. “I can’t:” Don’t assume you can’t do something until you’ve tried on your own, tried with support from others, and tried again!
Give yourself prompts: “How am I feeling today? Is there anything on my mind?”[12] X Expert Source Carolyn Rubenstein, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 September 2021. Use your journal to check in on goals: “How can I solve this problem? What do I need in order to reach my goals?”
If your ideal life goals feel too big to visualize, try and break them down into smaller steps. For instance, imagine what it would feel like to submit a new job application. Imagine the environment you want to be in, how your body will feel, and how you’ll feel emotionally. [15] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
For example, if someone gives you feedback at work, instead of shutting them down and dismissing their concerns, thank them for the suggestions and implement them. Your work will be stronger and it will show that you’re open to learning.
Schedule time where you don’t use screens Turn off email and social media notifications Put your phone away so you’re not checking it Log out of your social media sites
For example, if you’re trying to outline a paper and you’re coming up with the same uninspiring points, go for a short walk, make yourself a cup of coffee, or stretch in your office. Let your mind wander for a few minutes so you can come back to the paper with a new perspective.
