How compelling are the reasons? Are they enough to stay with the new person or do you feel that this has been a big mistake? You need to know this now before you’re a pond full of regrets. Sometimes in relationships, couples can grow apart and romantic feelings can change. In many breakup cases, both parties play a role in the demise of their relationship, so make sure to evaluate your role in it.
Are these reasons compelling enough to want your new date to completely take the place of your current lover? Again, ensure that there is no ambiguity in your reasoning.
A spacious outdoor park (away from kids and playground equipment) A shopping mall The gym A coffee shop A bar and grille The beach An athletics park. Places to avoid: An intimate restaurant Your favorite place to go as a couple The movies Your or his/her home––however, some people feel more comfortable breaking up with someone from their own home turf if they’re the only one living there, so this depends on the context While on vacation A play or concert.
Begin the conversation by reinforcing your feelings for him/her. Explain how your life has changed since you met him/her. Discuss your plans for the future with the new person. Gently tell him or her that you have current boyfriend/girlfriend, but that you will be breaking up on a certain date and why you plan to break up. Reassure your new boyfriend/girlfriend that the break-up will truly result in the end of that relationship.
Avoid telling the other person that they drove you into the arms of another––that will only escalate into an unproductive discussion and says more about your inability to be independent-minded than it does about them. It’s not a tactic to escape unscathed; it’s a way of telling your soon-to-be ex that you’re making excuses. Do your best to focus the breakup conversation more on how much you value them, without getting caught up in who is to blame for the relationship ending. Don’t lead the other person on to think that you could possibly get back together. Make it clear that it’s over. If both parties are interested in establishing a friendship, though, it is essential to create clear expectations of each other in these new roles in each other’s lives. Don’t point fingers––it takes two to make a relationship work (or not work). Acknowledge your own faults, lack of participation and inability to contribute fully to the relationship. Don’t drag out the past––remain in the “here and now” instead of talking about the time he or she kissed someone else, for example. The idea is to not apportion blame or to try to make your soon-to-be ex look bad; rather, help them to see that this is ultimately a good decision for the two of you.
All the same, anticipate the possibility that your significant other could flip out so keep that in mind during your break up delivery. If you remain calm, perhaps you can tone down the situation. If they have items in your home, be sure to allow them plenty of space to retrieve their things without pressure or anxiety. You could even offer to have them delivered but don’t sound like you don’t want them to collect their own things if they want to.
