Recognise that feeling like a failure doesn’t make you a failure. Check the evidence for your conclusions. A friend not responding to your text doesn’t mean they hate you, even if the negative thought spiral can make it feel that way. Realise that positive events deserve your focus too. One negative comment shouldn’t stop you from appreciating praise.
Very few things in life are “all or nothing”. Even if something didn’t go the way you had hoped, that doesn’t mean nothing good came out of it at all. [3] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source One failure does not define you forever. [4] X Research source Question that feeling of hopelessness by telling yourself “Things didn’t go my way, but that doesn’t meant that will always be true. I can’t predict the future. " Even when you make mistakes, you deserve kindness. If you’re feeling ashamed or self-loathing, allow yourself to watch your favorite show or order comfort food. Don’t punish yourself by withholding the things that help you cope.
“It’s okay that someone doesn’t like me. Literally no one is universally beloved. " “I tried my best, and that’s all that anyone can do. " “It’s unreasonable to expect perfection. Nothing is perfect, and that’s okay. "
For example, if you find yourself thinking “I’m so awful, everyone hates me”, re-imagine that as someone else talking: “You’re so awful, everyone hates you. " Speaking as yourself, argue back against this “other voice” (mentally, out loud, or on paper). “My friend Sarah doesn’t think I’m awful. " Come up with counterexamples to prove the “inner critic” wrong: “They don’t hate me, they sent me birthday cards. "
Stall with “I’ll get back to you” or “I’ll think on it. " Set hard boundaries, without apologising or making excuses: “I am not available to work on weekends” to a client or “I cannot take calls during the work day” to an emotionally needy friend.
List the things in your life that you are proud of and that make you happy. Cherish these things and don’t sacrifice time with them needlessly. Re-examine your goals in your career, in dating, and in other areas of your life. What kind of life do you genuinely want?
One way to start this process is to identify moments that make you feel inauthentic (either in the past or when they happen to you). Have a dialogue with yourself: what is your “inauthentic” side afraid of? What does your authentic self wish it could do?[9] X Research source Trust your instincts about what scene is right for you, which people are right for you to be with, and what career to pursue. You know yourself best and how to make the most of what you have to offer the world. [10] X Expert Source Kirsten Parker, MFAMindset & Action Coach Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.
Unfollow social media feeds and delete apps that make you feel bad about yourself. [12] X Research source Take a break from TV and other media full of idealized bodies. [13] X Research source Avoid people who trigger negative thoughts, or ask them not to bring up triggering topics around you. Talk to a mental health professional if you are constantly focused on your weight, size, diet, or exercise.
Getting through a to-do list helps “future you”, but it’s not helping you recharge now. If you can’t relax when there are chores to do at home, go for a walk or get out into nature. Numbing yourself with passive screen time or alcohol distracts you from yourself and your needs, instead of focusing your attention on them. Schedule an activity with a friend if you have trouble resisting these temptations while alone.
If you don’t have someone to talk to, try to imagine your struggles in another person. Would you think someone else is lazy in your situation? Or would you be sympathetic?
When circumstances make hangouts difficult, find the next best alternative. A half-hour video chat is a great option when nothing else is feasible. Even connecting to a stranger on the street can have a remarkable positive effect. [17] X Research source In several experiments, commuters on public transit who talked to other passengers enjoyed themselves and felt better afterward—even though many of them described themselves as introverts and predicted they would hate it. [18] X Research source
For instance, new parents can always use help with cleaning, cooking, or childcare. Volunteering can even be as simple as spending time with a lonely relative who appreciates your company.
