This goes for mental distractions as well, such as fixating on the speaker’s mannerisms or daydreaming. It’s still okay to have quick, casual conversations from across the room, but move and face the person speaking if you’re talking for a long time.
We know that it can be hard to make eye contact if you’re shy or uncertain, so try focusing on the space between their eyebrows or their mouth. You can even practice making eye contact with yourself in a mirror. [3] X Research source In some cultures, it’s taboo and rude to make prolonged eye contact. Learn the customs of who you’re speaking to so you don’t make them feel uncomfortable.
Stay aware of your body language throughout the conversation and correct your posture if you realize you’re closed off.
Make sure your facial expressions match the tone of the conversation. For example, you probably shouldn’t smile if you’re talking about relationship issues or another difficult topic.
“Okay. ” “Go on. ” “Oh?” “Then what happened?”
Let go of any assumptions you have on the topic and approach the conversation with curiosity. That way, you can be exposed to new points of view you haven’t considered before. Check the person’s body language for any underlying emotions they might be feeling. For example, if the person thought you promised to do chores around the house in the morning and you didn’t do them, they might feel a little upset.
Try not to get fixated on how you’ll respond to a minor thing the person says. Instead, listen to their entire side of the conversation so you can understand where they’re coming from better.
Try not to rush the other person through what they’re saying. Let the person go through the details they want to go over since it might be important to how they’re feeling.
“What did you mean by that?” “What are some of the other possibilities?” “How else could you explain this?” “What alternatives have you considered?” Be cautious using “why” questions since they might make the other person more defensive. For example, the question “Why would you think that?” could sound like you’re questioning how they feel. [11] X Research source
For example, you could say, “Let me see if I’m clear about this, you’re upset because I didn’t wash the dishes this morning. Is that correct?” As another example, you could say, “So you’re feeling angry because I made plans this weekend without asking you. Am I understanding that right?”
For example, you could say, “I completely understand why that situation made you frustrated. ” As another example, you might tell them, “I sense that you’re upset and that makes complete sense. ”
For example, you could say, “I understand what you’re saying. Is there anything I can do to help out or did you just want to vent?”
