You might start out by saying something like, “Is there something you needed to talk to me about?” or, “Let’s talk about what’s bothering you. ”
“I understand you’re stressed about work. You’ve been doing so much overtime lately, I’m not surprised. ” “I get why that would upset you. I’d probably be upset, too. ”
“I’m not quite sure that’s the way it happened. ” “I’m remembering things a little differently. ” “I think we got our wires crossed here. ”
“You said that we didn’t go to the park on Thursday, but I have a picture of us there. How can that be true?” “You don’t remember saying that to me? Here, I have screenshots of the text you sent. Does that jog your memory?”
“I think we’re escalating things for no reason. Can we start over?” “We might be misunderstanding each other. Let’s clarify what we mean before we go any further. ”
“I’m sorry that I snapped at you earlier. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, and I should have phrased that better. ” “You’re right, I should have planned ahead. It’s my fault that we’re missing the show, and I’m sorry. ”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant to what we were talking about. ” “We can discuss that issue later. Right now, I’d like to keep talking about this. ”
“I’m so proud of you for getting that promotion at work. You’re really good at what you do. ” “Remember when you got us into that club last week? The line was a mile long! I have no idea how you did it!”
Arguing with a narcissist can also make you feel unimportant or small. Just remember that your opinion is the only one that matters, not anyone else’s. If silence isn’t working for you, try shutting them down with sarcasm. Things like, “Nice,” or, “Great insult,” can really take the wind out of somebody’s sails.
You might also need to set firm boundaries for yourself and then stick to them. Saying things like, “I won’t sit here and be yelled at,” or, “You can’t call me names,” is a great way to excuse yourself before leaving.
It can be frustrating to have to move on when you’re owed an apology. Remind yourself that while you definitely deserve one, this person doesn’t have the capacity to give it to you.
You could also practice self care. Doing something nice for yourself, like soaking in a bubble bath or taking a long walk, can make you feel grounded and more at peace.
