Disrespectful behavior or speech[3] X Expert Source Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETSClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 February 2022. Angry flare-ups Dishonesty Moving too fast Breaking up and getting back together frequently Threats of violence or self-harm if the relationship ends Pressuring or forcing you to do sexual things you’re not comfortable with Physical violence (make this an immediate dealbreaker)
Try to share your thoughts in a kind and loving way, and be patient and actively listen when your partner talks. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to resolve conflicts calmly. It’s a big red flag if you feel like you can’t talk to your partner about any of your concerns. If they regularly shut you down when you try to talk about problems, it’s probably a sign the relationship isn’t healthy and you should leave. [6] X Expert Source Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETSClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 February 2022.
For instance, instead of saying, “You never help me with the dishes!” you might say, “I sometimes feel frustrated when I have to do all the dishes myself. I was wondering if we could find a compromise that works for both of us. "
For instance, you might say, “It’s really important to me to spend time with my sister. It’s embarrassing and upsetting for you to call me over and over while I’m there, and I’m not okay with that. If it keeps happening, I can’t be with you. " If someone acts in a way that’s abusive, communicating your boundaries may not be enough. It’s best to leave these situations as early as possible so things don’t escalate.
Also be wary if your partner asks you to quit hobbies or activities that you enjoy. It’s fine if your partner asks you to compromise on little things, like not clipping your toenails over the carpet or not leaving dirty dishes in the sink. However, they should never ask you to change the core of who you are.
For instance, you might say, “One of my friends texted me a picture of you at a party Saturday night when you said you were at home studying. I’m really hurt that you felt like you had to lie to me about that. We can’t have a healthy relationship if you lie. "
This dynamic can quickly become toxic. If it doesn’t change after one or two instances, it’s best to get out before the problem becomes worse.
If this turns into an ongoing issue with your partner, it’s probably best to end the relationship. Keep in mind that if your partner only has concerns about your relationship with one person, it’s not necessarily a red flag. Still, they should never tell you who you can or can’t see.
For instance, if your partner normally shuts down instead of communicating, tell them how much you appreciate their effort if they share something that’s bothering them, even if they said it in an abrupt way. If your partner has been reluctant to commit, let them know it means a lot to you when they introduce you to a close friend—even if they’re not ready for you to meet their parents yet.
For instance, if they refuse to compromise or you catch them being dishonest, it’s a good idea to consider leaving. You should also leave if the relationship feels constantly negative or draining. A healthy relationship has more good than bad! If your partner is making an effort, it’s okay if things don’t turn around right away. If they stop trying, though, you may be better off on your own.
If you need to, ask your family and friends for help, or contact law enforcement and let them know you need someone to be present while you gather your things to leave. You can also contact a hotline for resources and advice. For instance, in the US, call National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788. [18] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source
