Try taking a deep breath in, holding it for 10 seconds, and then releasing it out. [3] X Expert Source William Gardner, PsyDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 March 2021 Or, repeat a mantra to yourself, like, “I am calm, I am cool, I am collected. ” Try journaling and keeping a record of why, exactly, you feel so angry. [4] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 19 July 2019 Remember to flight instead of fight. Hold your tongue and walk away to self-soothe, and avoid reacting in a way that you will regret. [5] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2022.
A trigger for you might be when your boyfriend makes plans but doesn’t follow through with them. Or, you might find yourself getting upset when you make an effort to reach out to your boyfriend, but he doesn’t do the same. If you’re having a hard time figuring out what exactly is making you upset, try writing your feelings down to help process them. [8] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2022.
If you’re super angry about your boyfriend not doing the dishes, it might be because you feel stressed about chores or taken advantage of. If you’re upset about your boyfriend being late, it might be because you feel disrespected or like your time isn’t as important as his.
“My boyfriend and I have a loving, respectful relationship. ” “I just need to express myself, and we can work on our issues together. ”
For example, if you get upset about your boyfriend playing loud music all the time, maybe you could buy some ear plugs or leave the room for a while. If you get frustrated when your boyfriend doesn’t text you for a few hours, maybe you need to readjust your thinking about how often you two should be talking.
Maybe you yelled at your boyfriend about something that seems pretty silly in hindsight. You might say, “Wow, that was kind of an overreaction, huh?”
Try not to hold grudges, either. Letting something fester inside will only make you feel worse. Start the conversation by saying something like, “Hey, could you come talk with me for a second? I wanted to chat about something that happened the other day. ” Remember to always address the situation in a calming and loving way. [16] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2022.
Think of it as you and your boyfriend vs. the problem, not you vs. your boyfriend.
Try questions like, “Could you explain that a little more?” or, “I’m not sure I understand. Would you mind elaborating?”
For instance, if you find yourself doing all of the chores around the house, you might propose creating a chore chart that you split evenly. If you want to spend more time with your boyfriend, you might set aside specific days of the week for date nights.
For example, if you want your boyfriend to text you while he’s out but he wants to put his phone away, suggest that he texts you at least once to tell you when he’s coming home. If you want to hang out every day but your boyfriend needs some alone time, suggest hanging out every other day instead.
If you have a lot of things you want to change about your boyfriend, it might be time to rethink the relationship.
