Take a few minutes—or even a day or two, if necessary—to process your feelings before you answer.
Express remorse. For example, “I feel terrible about what I did yesterday. ” Take responsibility for what they did and recognize the impact it had. For instance, “I understand that what I said was insensitive, and that it really hurt you. ” Attempt to make things better, e. g. , by promising not to repeat the action or offering to make it up to you somehow. Avoid making excuses, minimizing what they did, or blaming you for what happened. For example, a good apology should not include phrases like, “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have said that if you hadn’t upset me,” or “I’m sorry if you were offended. ”[4] X Research source
For example, you could say something simple, like, “Thanks for apologizing. That means a lot to me. ” Or, “It’s no big deal. Let’s move on. ”[7] X Research source
“I appreciate your apology. ” “Thanks for saying that. ” “What you did really hurt me, but it means a lot that you said sorry. Thank you. ”
“No worries!” “Thanks, but don’t worry about it. I wasn’t offended. ” “Hey, we all make mistakes sometimes. No biggie. ”
For example, you might say something like, “Hey, I appreciate it. I’m still a bit mad about what happened, but I’ll get over it. ” Or, “Ok, thanks for apologizing. It’s going to be a while before I feel better about things, but that helps. ”
For instance, if you don’t feel like their apology was good enough, you could say something like, “No, I can’t accept your apology. It doesn’t sound like you’re really taking responsibility for what happened. ” Or, “Thanks for apologizing, but I’m still really upset and I’m not ready to forgive you yet. Please give me some time. ” If the apology is from someone who means a lot to you, consider giving them a second chance to apologize more sincerely. Explain what you’d need from them in order to accept the apology (e. g. , “I need you to let me know that you understand why I’m so hurt. ”).
For example, you might say something like, “Next time you’re upset with me, please say how you feel instead of yelling. ” Or, “I get that you were frustrated because I was taking too long, and I’ll try to be better about that. But in the future, just check in with me instead of leaving without me. ”
For instance, say, “Thanks for apologizing, I really needed to hear that. And I’m sorry for reacting the way I did, I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that. ”
“Thanks for your sympathy. ” “Thank you, that means a lot. ” “I appreciate your kind words. ” “Thanks for being there. ”
You might send a message saying something like, “What happened yesterday is kind of a big deal, and I don’t want to talk about it over text. Can I give you a call?” You could also say, “Thanks so much your text, but I think this is something we should talk about in person. “[19] X Expert Source Julianne CantarellaDating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
