Remember that trying to figure out why this happened isn’t likely to produce any helpful results. You could end up unfairly blaming yourself, which isn’t going to help you recover. Your time is valuable, and you don’t need to spend it on thoughts that won’t lead you anywhere.
For example, if seeing a certain motel triggers flashbacks for you, try to keep a mantra in mind for the next time you see it. Repeat to yourself something like, “It’s okay that I feel anxious when I see this place, but that threat is in the past. There’s nothing to worry about anymore. ” Infidelity triggers will fade over time. Keep moving forward and you will continue to heal.
The goal here isn’t to take out your anger on your partner, even if anger is natural in this situation. It’s to have as full a picture as possible of what happened, so that you no longer need to play detective. When someone first discloses that they cheated, they often don’t reveal all the details of what happened to try and spare their partner’s feelings. As more details come out over time, the partner who was cheated on ends up feeling like they never can know if they have the full story. This is called “trickle-truthing. ” If you worry that this won’t be a successful conversation—for example, if your partner has a tendency to get defensive and shut down—schedule a meeting with a couple’s therapist to act as a facilitator. [8] X Expert Source Steven Hesky, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 2 September 2021.
Try framing requests for your partner’s support in a casual way. For example, you might say something like, “Hey, I know that you’re busy, but can we spend tonight together at home?”
Deciding to stay in a relationship after infidelity is also a valid choice. After healing from an episode of infidelity, many couples feel more bonded than ever. Take your time to make your decision, but always remember that your peace, happiness, and emotional health matter.
