A narcissistic parent might say, “Amber always gets straight A’s. I’m so amazed by her! I wish you tried a little harder. ” A narcissistic partner may say something like, “My ex was so gorgeous and intelligent. I really miss the energy he brought to my life. ” A narcissistic friend might claim, “I invited the whole crew to karaoke! It was a blast. ” A colleague may make a remark like, “Can you believe they still don’t know how to turn on the projector?! It’s so simple!”
If you feel you want to defend yourself, think of a friend you can confide in later. [4] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020. Repeat an encouraging expression in your head like, “None of this is true. ” Focus more on your feelings than what they’re saying. For instance, you might think, “This is really exhausting. ” That way, you stay in touch with your reality instead of theirs.
“It sounds like you want me to compete with Katie. My sister and I are different people, and I love that about us. ” “I don’t think we should worry about who’s the favorite parent. Both of us should look out for the best interests of our kids. ” “Fantasizing about other people doesn’t seem like it’d benefit our relationship. I want a partner who’s focused on me. ”
“I’m not comfortable with you asking about my salary or how I spend my money. " “If you continue to pry about my finances, I will need to distance myself from you. " “I recognize that they that they are so critical of me because it distracts them from their own insecurities. "
“Anyway, did you know they’re opening a new museum downtown?” “Hey, I’ve been wondering… how are your tennis lessons going?” “Speaking of finances… did you know money isn’t really made out of paper?”
As soon as you’re feeling tired or uncomfortable, use this trick so you can leave. They’ll realize that you have other people, projects, or events in your life. If they pry a lot, keep things vague. Just say, “Look at the time! I’ve got to go. ”
Text a crisis counselor from a 24-hour hotline anytime you’re really overwhelmed. Call up friends and family who can offer shoulders to cry on or fun distractions. Join a support group to meet other people learning to cope with narcissistic abuse.
A spa day or a visit to a masseuse to release any tension in your body. A trip to the gym or a sports course so you can let go of some frustration. A painting or ceramics class to dive into some creativity and get your mind off things. A day at the movie theater to get lost in a fun new story. A walk in the park to get away and enjoy the beautiful scenery.
“It’s been a few days, and I feel totally fine. I think I can take them in small doses. ” “I feel a knot in my stomach every time I imagine talking to them. I need a break. ” ”I keep getting stuck on what they said. I should unpack it with my therapist. ”
Delete all of their contact info and block them on all platforms. Avoid any explanations—otherwise, the narcissist may try to talk you out of your choice. Remember it’s okay to feel sad afterward. Make sure to reach out to friends and a counselor for extra support!
Attending regular sessions can create a sense of routine and stability for you. Make time for self-care after sharing difficulties and emotional challenges to a therapist. You and your therapist can discuss how to learn from your experience with triangulation and develop healthy relationships with people who see the best in you.
