If you are alone when dealing with transphobia, try to head to a crowded area. People are less likely to harass you when there are other people around.
Say, “I’d appreciate it you call me Danny now,” or, “Please change your address book to show my chosen name. ”
For example, you could say, “I know calling me Dana might be hard to get used to, but I need you to make an effort. When you call me by my old name, it makes me feel hurt. ” Or, “I’m not sure if you know this, but the joke you just made is pretty hurtful toward transgender people. You probably didn’t mean it that way, but I just thought I’d let you know. ”
Say something like, “That’s private information,” or, “I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about that right now. ” If you see a transgender person getting asked questions like these, feel free to step in and say something like, “I don’t think they want to talk about that with you,” or, “That’s a really weird question to ask someone you don’t know very well. ”
Say something like, “You know that’s not a compliment, right?” or, “I’m not sure if you know this, but that’s super hurtful to hear. Just because I’m transgender doesn’t mean I’m not a real girl. ” You can also point these out if you aren’t transgender. Say something like, “Hey, I know you meant that as a compliment, but hearing that probably hurt Tiffany’s feelings. You shouldn’t say stuff like that. ”
For example, if someone questions your gender identity, you might say “So, when did you realize that you were a man/woman/boy/girl?” If someone asks you what’s in your pants, you might reply, “My legs. "
Not everything hurtful can (or should) be forgiven. If a friend says something to you that stings, it might take a few apologies for you to forgive them.
Keep in mind that not everyone will be open to people in your situation. There are always going to be some people who lack empathy and understanding. Treat yourself well and forget about people who don’t treat you well.
If you’re having trouble finding a support network, reach out to a local LGBT group near you. There, you can find like-minded people who can help you through the tough times.
It might help if you have records of the harassment, like videos or voice recordings. A principal or boss can also help you escalate the case to the police if you need to.
The Trans Lifeline is staffed by trans people for trans people in crisis. If you live in the US, call (877) 565-8860, or in Canada, call (877) 330-6366.
