For instance, maybe you have a good relationship with your parent, and you want to understand why they cheated. Or maybe you’re hurt by this and want to let them know. Unfortunately, you can’t get your parent to stop cheating or fix your parents’ relationship. Only your parents can decide to do that. [3] X Research source
For instance, if your mother usually gets out of difficult discussions by claiming she’s busy, you might wait for her day off and look for a quiet moment. Keep your physical and emotional well-being in mind. If your parent lashes out or gets violent during confrontations, consider talking over a phone or video call, so you don’t put yourself at risk.
If your parent never seems available, schedule a time to talk. You could say, “I want to talk to you about something important. What time would be best?”[6] X Research source It’s not a good idea to confront your parents together. It risks starting a fight, and you could hurt your relationship with both of your parents. Stick to a one-to-one discussion. [7] X Research source
“There’s something important I want to talk to you about, but it’s going to be hard for you to hear. ” “This is really sensitive, and I’m nervous because I don’t know how you’re going to react. Please just listen to me, okay?”
“When I was trying to fix your phone, someone named “Mel” texted you a skimpy photo and asked if you were ready for the weekend. ” “I was out with my friends the other day and saw you kissing another man. ”
For instance: “You’re such a big role model to me, so I’m really hurt by the fact that you’re cheating on Dad. I feel like I can’t trust you, because I feel lied to, and that’s not the kind of relationship with you that I want. ” Don’t use “you” language, like “Do you even care about us?” or “You lied to me”. These will sound like accusations, which will put your parent on the defensive during an already-tough conversation. [12] X Research source
Be prepared: your parent could say some incredibly painful things, and it might completely change the way you see your family. It won’t be an easy conversation. [14] X Research source Some parents will just deny the affair or refuse to answer questions. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do to change that.
If you feel yourself getting worked up, stop and take a few deep breaths to calm down. You don’t have to respond instantly.
“I know you want to explain yourself, but please don’t tell me why you thought it was okay to cheat on Mom. This is really painful for me. ” “Please don’t talk badly about Dad to me. I know you’re angry with him, but he’s still my dad, and it makes me uncomfortable to hear you say things like that. ” “I am not going to tell Liza about your affair for you. You need to talk to her directly. ”
“I hear what you said, but that really stung. Can we come back to this in 15 minutes?” “I can tell we’re both really angry, and shouting isn’t constructive. Let’s discuss this tomorrow. ” “I appreciate that you were willing to listen to my question, but I won’t tolerate being sworn at. I’m hanging up now. I’ll talk to you on Monday. ”
It can help to see a counselor to work through your feelings, too, especially if your feelings are influencing your romantic relationships. [20] X Research source
