You probably won’t cover all the important topics and concerns in just one sitting. This is totally fine! Make a plan to continue the discussion later. Plan on having this talk before you’re in a sexually charged moment so you can both focus on what’s being said. [4] X Research source

Don’t feel pressured into doing things that make you uncomfortable. Every person is in charge of their own body and you get to make your own decisions about your sexuality. Be really clear when you come up with your boundaries so there’s no confusion later.

You might find that you both put more effort into your relationship since you’re not focused on sex. This can make you feel stronger as a couple.

If you like an element of surprise, take turns planning dates. This also takes some of the pressure off of planning things to do together.

Bonus points for doing things outside. The fresh air and change of scenery can help you clear your mind and connect as a couple.

For example, leave kind little notes around for him to find, pick up his favorite coffee, or let him pick the movie the next time you’re staying in for the night.

It’s also a good idea to avoid drinking and doing drugs so you’re mentally alert. [9] X Research source

For example, you might be recovering from previous trauma and the act of sex might be triggering. You may want to abstain while you’re working through these issues.

For example, you might be alright with erotic touching and foreplay, but you might make intercourse off-limits or you may decide that you don’t want any kissing or embracing. There are no right or wrong interpretations of abstinence. The point is that you’re deciding what’s best for you. You might also decide how long you’d like to abstain. If it’s for a specific medical reason, you might just say that you’ll abstain until you’ve healed from a condition, for instance.

Ask yourself if you are the one who wants to explore more sexually or if you’re feeling pressure from your boyfriend. Don’t relax your boundaries because you feel forced to. If you both decide to have intercourse, it’s important to do it safely. Use protection so you don’t get pregnant or end up with a sexually transmitted infection.

Getting help can be really important if a medical condition is the reason you’re abstinent. You may feel frustrated or like you don’t have control over your sexuality—a sex therapist may help you feel empowered again.