Think back to how she used to act. The best way to tell if someone’s lying is to spot differences in their normal behavior. [2] X Research source Acting differently doesn’t always mean she’s slept with someone else. You care about her, so sit down and have an honest conversation about how she’s doing. Drastic mood changes could be signs of a deeper emotional or physical problem.
Hand gestures after she speaks. Rocking back and forth. Shuffling feet. Playing with her hair. Looking at everything but you. Rubbing lips together.
By ignoring you, she’s closed herself off to protect her emotions or suppress feelings of guilt when she’s around you. Similarly, she may become too attentive. This could be a sign of guilt as she’s trying to compensate for her infidelity. Try to be more attentive and ask yourself if both of your hearts are in the relationship. [5] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 24 November 2021
If she usually spends late nights at the office or always seems to call to change dinner plans, this may not be out of character for her. Notice her current behavior and compare it to how she’s acted in the past. Give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt before you jump to conclusions. Maybe she is swamped at work or got caught up with friends. If she’s told you nothing but the truth before, you have reason to trust her. But if things start not adding up and she gives you a reason to think she’s lying, she may be taking advantage of your trust. [7] X Expert Source Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 27 October 27 2021
Notice if she’s deleting texts or her browsing history. This could mean she’s trying to get rid of any evidence of cheating. Ask your girlfriend if you can look at their phone. If she gets deflective, she’s most likely hiding something. If your girlfriend hasn’t given you any other reason to think she’s being unfaithful, have a little trust. Who knows? Maybe she’s planning a surprise party for you!
Ask her why the sudden change. Perhaps she wants to better herself and feel more confident—this is totally valid! But if she deflects your question with a shrug and no other reason than to “do something different,” it might be time to ask some harder questions.
Now, updating her hygiene routine doesn’t automatically mean she’s sleeping with someone else. Maybe she’s focusing more on self-care or trying to wash off any extra germs she brings home from work, so you don’t get sick.
She’s fearful of being caught, so she’ll be overly attentive when it comes to your schedule. People often cheat because of the rush. They want to feel good, and the high they get from sneaking around and getting away with it makes them forget their “no. ”[12] X Expert Source Jason Polk, LCSW, LACRelationship Counselor Expert Interview. 24 November 2021 Sit down with your girlfriend and ask her why she honestly wants to know about every second of your schedule. See if she’ll open up and tell you the truth.
If you’re regularly having sex, another sign of cheating could be that your girlfriend wants to try new things in the bedroom. Introducing new techniques could mean she’s learning different tricks from someone else. A lack of intimacy or experimental sex doesn’t necessarily mean your girlfriend’s cheating. There could be something deeper going on with her sexual drive. The best thing you can do is talk to her. Gather your emotions and evaluate your suspicions. Then, have an open and honest discussion starting with something like, “I’m having some fears that you’re seeing someone else. Can we talk about it?”[14] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
There are plenty of other reasons why she might not want to talk about the future. Be honest and open with her, and ask her why things seem to be on hold. Who knows? She may be afraid of commitment or worried about not being able to give you everything you want.
Ask her to explain why she betrayed your trust. Actively listen to her even if she says things you don’t want to hear. State how and why she hurt you. Expressing your feelings is important too. Try your best not to be accusatory by using “I statements. ” Ask yourself if you can trust her again. Once you’ve talked openly and honestly with each other, take some time to reflect and process what you’ve learned. Decide to end the relationship if you can’t rebuild trust. If both of your hearts can’t be mended, it may be best to walk away. Sometimes a short separation can give you both time to heal.
