It can take some time to build up a rapport with someone, especially if they have a pretty large following and get a lot of comments on their posts. Just have patience. Digging through their profile and liking or commenting on every post going back a year or two is going to come across as super creepy, so don’t do that. Stick to current posts and comment as they happen.
For example, you might say, “Hi, this is Dakota (they/their). Lindsay is a mutual friend of ours and they suggested I start following your Insta because I also play guitar. Your Green Day covers are sick! Did you take lessons or are you self-taught?” You could also mention a particular town or school. For example, you might say, “Hi, I’m Caleb (he/him). I saw that you’re an engineering major at NC State. I’m interested in that program so I thought we might connect. What other schools did you look at?” If they really are a complete stranger, don’t shy away from that fact. For example, you might say, “Hi, I’m Leslie (she/her). I stumbled on your profile a couple of months ago and I’ve been following ever since. Your coffee art is so impressive! I just thought I’d take the time to introduce myself. Have you been a barista for long?”
For example, you might say, “I’m so inspired by your up-cycling projects. What kind of paint do you use for furniture?” If you’re going to ask a question about a specific post, it’s usually better to comment directly on the post rather than send a DM. But it’s fine to DM with a question about several posts. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed you post a lot of Green Day covers. Are they your favorite band? What’s your favorite album of theirs?” You can also ask their opinion about recent news that’s related to their interests. For example, you might say, “I know you do a lot of Green Day covers. Have you heard about their new single coming out?”
For example, you might say, “I’ve been canning for a while now but it’s so hard to find supplies. Where do you get all your cute little jars?” If you’re just getting started in something they’re proficient at, you might ask them how to get started. For example, you might say, “I just started learning to play guitar. Is it better to keep practicing scales and chords or can I jump right into playing songs?”
For example, you might say, “When I watch you play, it’s like the guitar is an extension of your body. How long have you been playing? Did you take lessons or are you self-taught?” If the post themselves highlight a particular skill, you might also compliment them on that. For example, you might say, “The lighting and composition on your photos are always fantastic. Care to share any tricks?”
If the person has mentioned any of their favorite movies or TV shows, they’ll get a kick out of a GIF that features a scene from one of those. Memes also work as follow-up messages. If you see one that makes you think of the person, send it to them with a brief note about how it made you think of them. For example, you might say, “Saw this meme earlier and it reminded me of what you said about practicing chords. Classic!”
For example, suppose you sent a message to a stranger complimenting their guitar playing skills and asking them who their favorite guitarists are. When they write back and tell you, you might ask if they’ve ever seen them in concert. You can also share any personal stories you might have that relate to whatever you’re talking about. For example, if you saw their favorite guitarist in concert, you might tell a brief story about the show, then ask if they’ve ever seen them play live. It’s also good to ask the person about their background or how they got started in a hobby or interest. For example, you might say, “How did you get started in canning? My mom and grandma always did it when I was growing up, but I didn’t really get interested until during the pandemic. "
For example, you might say, “Hey, I saw this article about how music affects our brains and I instantly thought of you. Here’s scientific proof that what you were saying was true—music really can calm people down!” You might suggest other accounts to follow as well. For example, you might say, “Have you seen the Yoopcyclers page? They’re partners in Michigan who transform old bookcases into works of art. With what you can do with coffee tables, I thought you’d really appreciate their work. "
For example, random DMs from strangers on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter are usually unwelcome and will probably be ignored. A possible exception might be if the person is using those platforms to promote their business and you want to reach out to them about something business-related. LinkedIn is a platform where messages from strangers are encouraged if they relate to the person’s work or career. But if you want to send someone a personal message, LinkedIn is not the best place. Check the person’s profile as well. They might say something about private messages—and if they do, respect it. For example, if someone’s profile says, “Please don’t DM me unless I know you IRL,” then don’t send them a message.
Do a reverse-image search of their photos to see if they’re elsewhere online. Check for friends or followers that also follow each other (this shows a group of friends) or connections to family members. Look for comments that seem to come from people who know them IRL. Search their full name online (if you have it) and see what comes up. Ask any mutual friends or followers about them.
Be careful with sharing photos of yourself as well. Generally, it’s best to only share photos with someone you don’t know in person that you would happily share on your social media. If they ask you a question that you don’t feel comfortable asking, you might say, “I’d prefer not to answer that right now. " You could also say, “I’m sorry, that’s a little too personal for me at this point. I’m sure you understand. " Someone who keeps asking you personal questions or pressuring you to give them information might not have your best interests at heart. It’s usually a good idea to stop talking to them—block their account if they won’t leave you alone.
