To resolve this, gently speak to her about your boundaries. Tell her what you need and what your communication preferences are. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source It’s a good idea to ask her what’s driving this behavior, as well. Did something happen to her in the past to cause her insecurity? Is it something you can work through together?[3] X Expert Source Erika KaplanDating Coach Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
This behavior isn’t that unusual if you’ve broken her trust or cheated on her before. Try to see things from her perspective and be patient with her. Use “I” statements when you bring it up with her so she doesn’t feel attacked. For example, “When you get angry with me for not texting back immediately, I feel really stressed out. ”[5] X Research source
She uses your posts/stories to figure out where you are/who you’re with. She demands your passwords or asks to read your DMs. She frequently posts on your wall in a way that feels possessive. She goes overboard professing her love for you in posts and comments. She goes back and “likes” all of your old photos. [7] X Research source
If you still see your friends but she’s stopped hanging out with hers, gently ask her what’s going on. Encourage her to hang out with them and have fun. If your GF tries to make you feel guilty for spending time with other people or won’t accept your boundaries, you may want to rethink this relationship. [9] X Expert Source Erika KaplanDating Coach Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
She may even start a fight just to delay or prevent you from doing what you planned to do, which is unfair and manipulative. To work through this issue, you need to talk to her and set some boundaries. [11] X Research source
It can help to ask her why she needs so much reassurance. Did her last partner cheat on her, or is there something else from her past that’s haunting her? It’s not unusual for victims of abuse and infidelity to feel insecure. [13] X Expert Source Erika KaplanDating Coach Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. Try to be patient if she’s dealing with a past trauma, especially if you’re truly in love with her. If nothing improves, you may want to consider moving on. You don’t have to stick around just because she’s been mistreated in the past; that’s not your fault. Don’t feel guilty if you want to move on. [14] X Research source
Start by asking some frank questions: why does she feel this way? Is there anything you can do to help? Will things change if you work on it together?[16] X Expert Source Erika KaplanDating Coach Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. Having a conversation isn’t guaranteed to fix her jealousy, but it’s a good place to start. [17] X Research source
Does she say “I love you” even though you haven’t been together long? Does she expect you to say it back and get upset if you don’t? Does she want you to meet her parents too soon? Is she talking about living together, getting married, and having kids? Does she want to spend every single day together? Does she find subtle ways to manipulate you into hanging out with her? Is she there every time you turn around (even when you didn’t invite her)?
The best way forward is to clarify your boundaries and comfort level when it comes to PDA. Be specific and clear so there’s no ambiguity. [19] X Expert Source Erika KaplanDating Coach Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. For example: “I’m okay with holding hands and hugging in public, but kissing makes me uncomfortable. Can we agree to do that behind closed doors?”
Keep in mind that she may be acting this way because of something traumatizing from her past. That isn’t your fault, but try looking at it from her perspective. [20] X Research source Take some time to think about how you want to explain your feelings. Using “I” statements and a gentle tone can help a lot. [21] X Expert Source Erika KaplanDating Coach Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
Does she agree with all of your views and opinions? Do you pick every date activity because she’s afraid you won’t like her choices? Does she agree to do things that you’re pretty sure she doesn’t want to do? Has she abandoned her personal style because she wants to dress in a way that she thinks pleases you?
