Set up a time to talk to your roommate in person, not over text. A face-to-face conversation is much easier to get through than something over the phone.
“I just wanted to talk about our noise levels at night. I don’t mind if you stay up on weekends, but it’s really hard for me to sleep on weeknights when you’re in the living room playing loud music. ” “I know you and your boyfriend want to spend a lot of time together, but it’s starting to feel like he’s another roommate. Could you guys maybe hang out at his place sometimes?”
Conversations like these are best had in person, not over text. Start the conversation by saying something like, “Hey, could we all chat for a minute? I just wanted to go over some house rules to make sure we’re all happy with our living arrangement. ”
“I don’t mind if you need to borrow my stuff, but please don’t go in my room without asking. If I’m not home, just text me and ask first before you borrow anything. ” “It’s okay if you need to use some of my milk or my condiments. But if you’re going to take something big from the pantry that I bought, could you ask me first?” Don’t let your roommate take advantage of you or your things. Communicate how you’d like to be treated so that there’s no misunderstanding. [5] X Expert Source Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MACLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 26 July 2021.
For instance, if you want a lights out time at 9 but your roommate doesn’t go to bed until 1 AM, maybe you could compromise and settle for 11. If your roommate has their partner over every day and you’d rather they only come over on weekends, maybe you could settle for having them over every other day.
For instance, maybe you’ll sweep and mop the floors every week, while your roommate takes out the trash every other day. If you find that you and your roommates are fighting for kitchen space, try creating a cooking schedule, too. You can set times and make a schedule for who can use the kitchen when. [8] X Research source
A roommate agreement is great to have, but it doesn’t carry any legal weight. You can ask your roommates to follow it, but you can’t force them to.
“I noticed that there are some dirty dishes in the sink. I totally understand that you had a busy week, but is there any way you could do those soon? A messy kitchen makes me feel a little anxious. ” “Your boyfriend’s been over kind of a lot lately. When we have guests over constantly, I feel like I can’t relax in my home. ” Go into the conversation with a non-judgmental mindset. [11] X Expert Source Sabrina Grover, LMSWLicensed Master Social Worker Expert Interview. 3 December 2021. If you can approach your roommate in a neutral, understanding way, you’re much more likely to have a productive conversation.
For instance, if your quiet hours are at 10 but your roommate plays music until 10:15, that’s probably okay. If your roommate borrows your pan without asking but they also clean it and put it back in the right spot, that might be something you can let go.
If they bring up issues with you, try to hear them out and do your best to accommodate their needs. That way, they’ll do the same for you.
If you can’t move out right away, try spending more time outside of your home. Hang out at a friend’s house or go to a library for some much-needed space from your annoying roommates.
