In general, your boundaries should be centered around professionalism. No yelling, no name-calling, and no talking over you. Most narcissists lack empathy, meaning they can’t see things from your point of view. You might have to really spell out why something hurt your feelings, or why you’re upset.
“I think that will really improve profits this quarter. Good idea. ” “I definitely agree with that strategy. Nice one, Mark. ”
Try not to get emotional around your boss, either. It can be tough to hold it together when they’re yelling or being super rude, but the more you can remain stoic and calm, the better.
“I think I’m the only one in the building who knows how to run this program. ” “I can call that client. I’ve been in charge of their account for years. ”
Keep your evidence someplace else besides your work computer. That way, if your boss gets access to your proof, you have it saved somewhere else.
“In case anyone was unclear about that late report, I’d like to let you all know that it was a team effort, and we’ve all vowed to get better at time management together. ” “I’d like to clarify something that was said at the meeting yesterday. We did lose a client, but not because of a mistake on our part. They left because their business is moving out of state. ”
Talking badly about your boss behind their back (however justified it may be) also undermines your credibility, which is the last thing you want in this situation.
“I really appreciate how hard you push us to reach our deadlines. However, I don’t find it encouraging when you call us names to get us to work faster. I love my job, and I’d hate to have to find a position somewhere else. ”
Having a third-party can be helpful when dealing with a narcissist. It’s nice to have someone around to back you up. If there are 2 people telling your boss that their behavior isn’t okay, they might actually listen.
If you do decide to quit, expect some pushback from your boss when the time comes. Just remember that if they haven’t changed already, they’re probably not going to change in the future.
Try to maintain a good work-life balance, too. Your life doesn’t have to revolve around your job, and taking that much-needed time off can really improve your mental health.
