Learn to let go of the past and trust yourself again if a past relationship is affecting your ability to trust your partner. You might get insecure when comparing yourself to your girlfriend’s exes. Building up your self-esteem and learning to value your good qualities will ease those insecurities. You can address jealousy problems by communicating with your girlfriend and letting her know what you need from her in the future. If your insecurity makes you clingy with your girlfriend, you can practice giving her space and taking a step back when you overthink.
If your girlfriend’s actions have somehow caused you to feel insecure, you can still be honest with her about your feelings. Use “I” statements to focus on how you feel and not on blaming her. For example, “You’re inconsiderate, and you don’t make any time for me!” could be rephrased to become, “I feel lonely when you don’t call or text me. ” You can also communicate to prevent future conflicts. For example: “I’ve been feeling a little insecure when you spend time with friends and don’t invite me, but I’m working on controlling my jealousy. I don’t want it to come between us. ” Be confident with who you are and what you think. Respect and trust and know your own thoughts, needs and wants. [6] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.
Make your requests reasonable. It’s not healthy to tell your girlfriend that you don’t want her to hang out with her friends, but you can tell her that you feel excluded and work with her to find a compromise. If you don’t like your girlfriend hanging out with her ex, express your feelings instead of making demands. When she knows you’re uncomfortable, she can make an informed decision on whether to keep spending time with them.
Are you kind? Funny? Trustworthy? Do you make her feel loved? Any of those qualities are great to have in a relationship and ones that your girlfriend probably values a lot! Keep this list to remind yourself that you have a lot to offer your girlfriend. And if she or someone else intentionally makes you feel like you’re not enough, it’s their loss—not yours.
Once you get into comfortable patterns, start thinking of other activities that make you feel better about yourself. Indulge your aspirations, whether you’ve wanted to try a new artistic hobby or get back into shape. Low self-esteem is a common reason for relationship insecurities. If you have confidence, you can be your own cheerleader without relying on a girlfriend for all of your validation. Eliminate thinking about perceived defects of character and weaknesses from your life. When we think we have a weakness, we usually project those thoughts onto others and believe that they think the same thoughts. [13] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.
For instance, pay attention to how you feel as you scroll through your accounts. If you start making comparisons, feeling depressed, or getting jealous, then make a point to log off for the day. If certain social media accounts will only make you feel insecure (like an ex’s social media), unfollow or block the account as needed. Think about all the good things in your life and remember that just because someone else’s life may look better, that doesn’t mean they’re happier in reality.
If your girlfriend has proven herself to be trustworthy, then you’ll know your insecurities are wrong after all, and you can finally put them to rest.
For instance, your girlfriend may decide she doesn’t feel like going out on a day that you were supposed to grab dinner and drinks. There’s no need to assume you’ve done something wrong! She may be tired or had a bad day at work. Instead of assuming, ask her if everything is all right. Take what your girlfriend says at face value rather than over-analyzing her thoughts and feelings.
Remember that your current girlfriend isn’t the same person as the one who hurt you, and you don’t need to let an ex interfere with your bright future together. [17] X Research source
It’s possible to commit to your girlfriend and still be your own person. You’ll feel more secure in the relationship when you don’t rely on it to fulfill all of your needs!
Joint therapy has also proven to help couples communicate with one another. Ask your girlfriend if she would be open to seeing a therapist with you. Getting couple’s therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is in bad shape. It just means there are aspects of the relationship you want to improve and are willing to put in the effort to do so, which is admirable!
