A careful planner might try to arrange the date ahead of time, but is ultimately willing to compromise with you on where and when the date will be. A narcissist, on the other hand, has a lot of trouble handing the reins over to another person. A narcissist might even order your meal and drink for you, and give the wait staff extra details on how the food needs to be cooked. [3] X Research source
Ultimately, narcissists want to create a great first impression by dressing up. [5] X Research source They also like to be on a pedestal above the people around them, which also explains the need to dress up. [6] X Research source
Ask for a new table at the restaurant Be picky over seats at the movie theater Gripe when they don’t get the perfect parking spot
Complain that their food wasn’t cooked properly Ask the wait staff why the food is taking so long Be curt and rude to the wait staff whenever they ask for something
Flatter you with compliments Offer flirty comments Describe how special you are Just to be clear—there’s nothing wrong with someone being friendly and flirty on a date. A narcissist, however, will have their charm and flirtiness dialed up to 200%.
“Wow, we might actually be soulmates. ” “I think I’m in love with you. ” “I can totally see myself spending the rest of my life with you. ”
As a general rule of thumb, each person should talk for 20-30 seconds before giving the other person a chance to speak. [13] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source While there are obvious exceptions to this, it’s definitely a red flag if your date consistently dominates the conversation without giving you a chance to get a word in.
“I must look like such a mess. I put this look together in 10 minutes. ” “I don’t think I’m pulling off this outfit very well. ” In making these comments, the narcissist is hoping you’ll say something like “No, you look great!” or “No, you’re rocking that outfit!”
Where they live The school they go/went to How much money they make Well-known people they’re friends with
“Wow, I can’t believe we’ve had to wait 10 minutes already. ” “This line for movie tickets is so long. ” “I can’t believe the waiter hasn’t stopped by. It’s been 5 minutes!” Narcissists don’t have much empathy, and aren’t able to see things from other people’s perspectives. [17] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
Most relationships with a narcissist follow this cycle. In some cases, the narcissist will go back to the “idealization” phase to get their partner hooked back into the relationship. Keep in mind that getting out of a short relationship doesn’t automatically make someone a narcissist. There are lots of reasons a relationship can go south—what you’re looking for is a pattern of negative behavior.
