Someone might call you “narcissistic” in the heat of the moment but not really mean it. The person who called you narcissistic might really be upset and think you’re acting selfishly. However, that doesn’t automatically make you a real narcissist (AKA, somebody with narcissistic personality disorder). Someone could be using that word because it’s become so normalized that most things seem selfish to them. [2] X Research source The person could even have traits of a narcissist. Gaslighting is common among narcissists, and they might be trying to turn the tables on you by saying you’re “selfish” or “only thinking about you. " If your therapist or psychologist says you’re a narcissist, then it’s something to be taken seriously—and to discuss further with them.
If you had one moment of poor behavior that led to someone calling you “narcissistic,” it doesn’t mean you have NPD. Everyone makes mistakes! “Narcissistic” is often a subjective label, especially with the rise of social media. People become concerned with their online image in a way that can be interpreted as narcissism—but most cases aren’t actual NPD. [4] X Research source
It’s tempting to fight back, but getting angry, calling names, or being childish will only keep the conflict going. If your goal is to resolve the issue, calm is the way to go.
When you take everything personally, you’re more likely to be defensive and resentful around this person. Empathize with their feelings instead, and then sort out your own feelings once you’re alone. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
For example: “I’m so sorry that I was selfish about the time we were spending together. I know that my behavior made you feel stifled, and I don’t want that. I got jealous and let that control my actions, but I plan to control my actions in the future. If you don’t already have a plan, ask the other person how you can make amends. They will tell you what they need to move forward. True narcissists with NPD rarely apologize and mean those apologies even less. [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source [9] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020. By apologizing earnestly, you’re already showing this person that you’re not narcissistic.
You could say, “Can I ask for clarification on why you called me selfish? I’m genuinely not sure what I’ve done, but I want to listen to your perspective and fix my mistakes if I can. " Try this method when you know the other person is open for a discussion and willing to talk to you earnestly about why they said you were narcissistic.
This is an ideal response when you’re dealing with someone naturally argumentative. If you know that even attempts to talk respectfully lead to an argument, ignoring and moving on could be better. You know you’re not a narcissist, so just let the comment go!
You could say, “I understand you’re upset with me, but I feel upset by what you said, and I think “narcissistic” is an unfair label. I’d like to talk about this and make sure we’re on the same page here. " When you say your piece, point out that true narcissists are quite rare, and the term “narcissistic” is often misused on people who don’t have NPD. [13] X Research source
Try saying, “Isn’t my whole generation supposed to be narcissistic at this point? Oh, well. " “Is there anything else I’ve been doing that’s annoyed you? I’m really just going for it this week. "
Other common warning signs of NPD include: a need for constant praise, living in a fantasy world, delusions of grandeur, entitlement, exploiting others shamelessly, and bullying others. [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source To give a non-committal response, try saying something like, “That’s an interesting way to feel,” or “Okay, if that’s what you think. " Don’t try to tell them they’re wrong or right—just acknowledge them and move on. Keeping your response neutral and boring stops the conflict from escalating further and will hopefully make the narcissist accusing you lose interest in the conversation. Remember, you can always leave if you don’t want to deal with this person!
Find a psychologist you feel comfortable opening up to and be sure to check the different listings to see which psychologist has good experience that lines up with your needs. [15] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Did you know that people with NPD are among the least likely to investigate and get diagnosed?[16] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020. The fact that you’re taking the time to explore and learn says you’re probably not narcissistic at all![17] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
