Keep compliments genuine and specific. For instance, you might say something like, “That dress really looks great on you. Blue is totally your color!” Be careful of anything that sounds over-the-top, especially if you don’t know each other that well yet. For instance, your crush might feel a little awkward if it’s a first date and you come out with something like, “You’re the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever seen. I could spend my life getting lost in your eyes. ” In general, when you’re first getting to know someone, avoid commenting on their body or physical appearance. This could make them uncomfortable.
For instance, don’t try to go in for a kiss unless you’re pretty sure they’re cool with it. Be careful about getting too touchy-feely in public unless your SO is okay with it. Too much PDA can come off as needy or even make you seem jealous or possessive. [4] X Research source
Don’t introduce them as your “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” or “significant other” unless you’ve already talked it over and officially defined your relationship that way!
If it’s been a couple of days, feel free to casually follow up and ask how they’re doing. But if they still don’t respond, that could be a signal that you need to back off and give them some space for a while. Don’t push for information about where they are or what they’re doing if they don’t seem comfortable talking about it! “Checking in” too much can definitely make you seem clingy or even controlling. [8] X Research source
For example, you might treat them to dinner, give them a small gift, offer positive feedback on a project they’re working on, or help them with something they’re struggling with. This doesn’t mean it’s never okay to ask for help or express your wants and needs! But be mindful of how often you’re doing it, and make sure you reciprocate when they’re supportive of you.
If you do slip up and cross a boundary, don’t make a huge deal out of it. Just apologize, assure them that you won’t do it again, and do your best to keep your word.
It’s okay to open up about your own feelings, or to have a conversation about both of your expectations about the relationship. Just make it clear that you’re not trying to push them into anything they aren’t ready for. When you talk about your relationship, focus on expressing your own feelings instead of interrogating them about how they feel. For instance, after you’ve been dating for a few weeks, you might say something like, “Hey, I just want you to know that I’m really enjoying my time with you, and that you’ve become very important to me. These last few weeks have been amazing. ” Avoid saying things like, “When are you going to tell me that you love me?” Or, “I want you to promise me that we’ll be together forever. ”
For instance, you might find yourself thinking things like, “Why aren’t they calling me more often? They must be losing interest in me already. ” Stop and ask yourself if that thought is realistic. Have they given you other reasons to think they’re not interested? Is it possible that they aren’t calling because they’re busy or shy about talking on the phone? It can be helpful to identify where your insecurities are coming from. For instance, did you have a bad experience in a previous relationship? If so, do you see any real evidence that your current relationship is going the same way?
Try turning those feelings around and giving them the kind of validation that you’d want to receive yourself. You can even ask them questions like, “How can I help you today?” or “What can I do to help you feel loved and appreciated?”[14] X Research source
For instance, if they’re hanging out with friends, don’t keep texting them, or complain that they’re spending too much time with other people. If you follow them on social media, it’s totally okay to like and comment on their posts sometimes. Just don’t use it to monitor where they are or who they’re hanging out with. [16] X Research source
Keep spending time with other people who are important to you, like your family and friends. Spend time on hobbies and interests that are important to you, without always getting your SO involved. Take time to practice basic self-care. This could mean things like getting exercise, eating good meals, or doing things on your own to unwind, such as meditating or reading a relaxing book.
