Ideally, you will both have had a chance to relax and unwind a little bit. For instance, if you’re having a talk after work, give yourself an hour or two to decompress before jumping into a serious conversation.
If your spouse has a tendency to get angry quickly, you can model good behavior for them by not yelling or shouting at them.
Instead of saying “You always yell at me,” say, “When you talk over me, I feel like you don’t care about what I have to say. ” Instead of saying “You never come home on time,” say, “When you come home late without telling me, I get worried about you. ”
Your spouse can add their input, too, but it’s going to be much easier if you have an end goal in mind.
Try to stop your spouse from bringing up old issues, too. If they try to dredge up a disagreement from the past, you could say, “Is that really relevant right now?”
Practice active listening by nodding your head and making eye contact. As you listen, try to keep neutral body language. Crossing your arms and rolling your eyes can signal that you don’t respect your partner, which can lead to an even bigger issue.
For example, you might say, “So what I hear you saying is that you don’t have time to text me when you’re at work because you’re too busy. ”
For instance, you might be sure that the only way to spend more time together is to go out to dinner once a week. Your spouse, however, might be more open to having a movie night twice a week and going out once a month.
You could say, “You can’t talk to me like that,” or, “I’m not going to let you yell at me all night. ”
It’s important to set a timeframe on when you’re going to come back and tackle the conversation again. Simply walking away isn’t going to solve the issue, and it could leave your spouse feeling confused. Say something like, “I’m starting to get angry. Why don’t we take a 15 minute break and then try this again?”
Marriage counseling can be very helpful, and a lot of people say that it’s saved their relationship.
