Phrase clarifying questions carefully so that they know you genuinely just want to understand them better. Try something like, “I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. Can you tell me more about what happened?” If they’re angry at you and you’re not sure why, you might text, “Could you tell me what I did or said that’s made you feel this way? I just want to know more so we can resolve this. "
Let’s say a family member is angry and venting to you about something that happened to them. To respond, say something like, “I’m so sorry that happened :( It makes total sense that you would be upset. ” Perhaps the family member is upset with you. To affirm their point of view, you might say, “It’s completely understandable that you would feel that way. ”
Maybe your close friend is angry with you for forgetting to invite them to a group hangout. Text them, “I’m so sorry. I should have invited you and there’s no excuse. Next time we all hang out I promise to make sure you feel included. "
Text them something like, “That sounds like a really difficult experience! How are you feeling now?” or “I’m so sorry this happened. Is there anything I can do to help?”
Send them a text such as, “I experienced something similar in the past. Would it be helpful to hear some advice on how I dealt with it? I’m also happy to just listen. " Offering advice before the person is ready may make them feel like you’re minimizing or writing off their feelings with a quick solution. If they say they’re not ready or interested in advice, let them know that the offer still stands if they ever want to hear it in the future.
Ask for consent to offer a solution with a text like, “Is there anything we can do to resolve this? I would be happy to do anything to make this better. " If they agree, suggest a solution. Perhaps your roommate is upset that you haven’t been helping them clean the apartment. Text them, “I can start picking up slack at the apartment. Maybe when I get home we can make a chore chart. " If your friend is angry that you haven’t been initiating plans as often, try, “I love hanging out with you and want to spend more time together, too. Would you want to make a weekly coffee date to catch up from here on out?” Perhaps they’re not ready to find a solution. Tell them that you would be happy to resolve the situation later on if they change their mind.
Draft your responses in the notes section of your phone if you don’t want them to see you typing.
Use positive, empathetic, and encouraging language, i. e. “I understand,” “I hear you,” and “That’s completely valid. “[11] X Expert Source Frank BlaneyCertified Tai Chi & Qigong Instructor Expert Interview. 28 September 2021. Avoid ending sentences abruptly with a period. Though in most instances, a period is totally fine and grammatically correct, don’t end texts like “Fine. " or “Okay. " with a period. This could make the person think you’re angry or upset. [12] X Research source Use emojis to convey a calm, positive tone. If you’re trying to comfort someone, use a smiley face along with your encouraging message. Perhaps you’re upset that you angered a friend. Add a sad face to convey your genuine remorse. [13] X Research source
Whether you’re texting a good friend, your significant other, or your sister-in-law, give them the benefit of the doubt and remember how much you care about them. A person who is at the height of their anger usually isn’t thinking clearly. They may come to regret the way they expressed their anger once they start to calm down.
Text them, “I really want to help, but I can only do that if you treat me with respect. " If you need a break or can’t keep texting, say something like, “I’m really sorry that you’ve been going through this today. I’m going to have to step out, but we can definitely keep talking about this tomorrow. "
Text them something like, “I really want to help, but I think it would be best if we had this conversation in person. " If you’re not able to meet, text, “Could we talk about this over the phone? I really want to work this out, but I feel like I can’t communicate how I feel over text. "
