Spotting the difference between a lie and an honest denial can be tricky. If you don’t have strong evidence that your partner cheated, you may need to look for other signs that they’re lying. Someone who is lying or hiding something might fidget, sweat, turn pale, or speak in a higher voice than usual. They might also either look away or make stronger, more prolonged eye contact than normal when talking to you. [2] X Research source
For example, they may say something like, “Why can’t you just let me have a nice weekend? You’re always trying to pick fights. ”
For instance, if you confront them, they might say something like, “I already told you nothing happened, so stop asking!” Or, “I can’t believe you’d say something like that! What’s wrong with you?”
For instance, they might say something like, “Well, if you weren’t so distant all the time, I wouldn’t have done it. ” Or, “I only did it because our sex life has been so dull lately. ” They might also try to blame the person they had an affair with. For example, “He kept coming onto me. It was just too hard to resist. ”
“It’s just something guys do. We can’t help it. ” “I don’t know what came over me. I think it’s all the stress I’ve been under at school, I’m just not myself. ” “I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing. ”
“It was just sex. It didn’t really mean anything. ” “It only happened a couple of times. ” “I don’t actually love her, so it doesn’t count. ” “That happened a long time ago. ”
“Why won’t you stop punishing me? I already feel terrible about what happened. ” “You’re making me feel so bad about myself, like I’m a monster or something. ” “All I can say is ‘I’m sorry,’ but I guess that’s never going to be good enough. ”
For example, they might say things like, “Well, what about all the time you spend texting your coworker? Maybe I’m the one who should be worried. ”
In some cases, your partner may take the confession as an opportunity to admit that they’re unhappy in the relationship and want to move on. However, this isn’t always the case. They may also ask for a chance to make amends and continue the relationship. If they apologize, ask yourself whether the apology seems sincere. In a sincere apology, the person apologizing takes full responsibility for what they did and offers to try to make things right. [15] X Research source
Try saying things like, “I believe this is a problem we can fix together, but it’s important that we be honest with each other. Please tell me what happened. ” Avoid making accusations that put them on the defensive, or focusing on the possible consequences of their actions. They’re less likely to confess if they’re worried about what will happen if they tell the truth.
Sometimes it’s a good idea to take a break from the relationship while you decide what to do next. If they admit what happened and give you a sincere apology, that’s a good sign that the relationship can be repaired. On the other hand, if they lash out or try to blame you, then it may be time to move on.
